I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
