Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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