My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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