If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
