I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
