Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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