You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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