Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize