I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
