I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
