There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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