woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
