Ambien. No doubt about it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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