Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's rum buckets o'clock
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
