physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize