just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
