Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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