I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
