god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
