So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
