I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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