Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize