I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
