ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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