We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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