We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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