need another drink. this is the easiest way
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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