My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
