Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
