I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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