You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
