we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
