I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
zippers are such a cool invention
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
