I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
