i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
