Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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