I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
