I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
