reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
