Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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