if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
