speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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