I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
