I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
