i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
