She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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