My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
