oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize