Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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