3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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