I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
