just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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