U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
