Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
