Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
