I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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