She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize