I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize