standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
