i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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