I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
