This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can you bring me the toilet please
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
