return my video game
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
