mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
