I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
