Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
