Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
