fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
