girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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