Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
