I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
