Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
