There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
